When I was under 20 years of age, my priority was to get skilled in combat sports. As I was training to be able to defend myself properly, I got a brown belt in Jiu-Jitsu and some degrees in Judo and Taekwondo. Some tournaments came on my way, and I liked these fights. I wasn’t into team sports such as football. I’ve been doing many sports by myself. Archery, athletics, gymnastics, kick-boxing, fencing. But why did I throw myself into these individual sports? I felt lonely from time to time and this never really left me. This led me to excel in combat-sports and gain approval there. I got what I wanted, but it didn’t last. There were always higher degrees I could get, and the approval had to be renewed.
After my 25th, I went into the army to become an officer. But as you probably can imagine, the problem of loneliness remained. I did like people and hanging around with them, but somehow I felt ‘not in place’. I swung between feeling kind to very bad tempered. This feeling of wanting to ‘change the world’ and ‘leave me alone!’ stayed together with the loneliness.
Jesus comes out of the sleeping bag
When I was in the army, I got a little bible. During a field-training I would read a little with my sleeping bag over my head. It gripped me, but I couldn’t hold on to it. The realities between what I saw outside my sleeping bag and what I could read in my sleeping bag was just too big. Outside, I could see people running around, getting tensed, hurrying and drinking beer when possible. Inside the sleeping bag, I could read about Jesus healing people, and giving them “rest for their souls” as he said it. I wanted this.
After this I went on a holiday to South-Africa and was invited into a church. These people seemed happier than me, with less than what I had. I needed to stay cool before they would turn me into such a happy person. I would have a hard time trusting people, especially these church people, but these people seemed so full of joy and love. I honestly spoke to this God, whom I read about. I said:“God, I’ve tried to be a Christian, but I can’t. Now either you do something or I quit trying”, and that was it. One evening later, I had a powerful encounter with God Himself. He said very clearly right inside my heart –almost audibly- that He loved me, and that I’m His child. This was stunning and completely turned me around. Now I knew 100% that God was real, and Jesus came out of the sleeping bag!
My life since Jesus
Of course I had to get back into the army, but now something had changed. I had met Jesus, and I remember me wanting to read the bible and talking to Him. I had received a deep rest unlike anything or anyone could give me. I had an approval that no one could take away anymore, and I couldn’t loose it either. God had spoken to me very clearly and my perspective on life changed completely. Finally I had received rest! I had a purpose that was not fading away. Over time, the loneliness had left me too and never came back. I mean, how can I be lonely if God is always with me and I can always talk to Him? It’s not possible, ever since I’ve talked with Him and He with me. Sometimes through nature, sometimes through people, when I read the bible and also when I am simply quiet or sing to God. The ways that He talks are different, but always one thing remained the same: Jesus always kept on talking to my heart. My life has changed drastically, from a life for myself into a life learning to live from God’s love for me and loving others. I now know that I can not be separated from the love of Jesus and His friendship. I wish I could describe Him to you, but even than, I would come short. He simply is stunning. If you desire to meet him to, than it’s really possible. Ever since I started speaking about the reality of Jesus, I’ve seen people coming to know him too! It changed their lives also. Do you dare talking to him? I know he loves it and wants to give you a fresh, new life.