When I was under 20
years of age, my priority was to get skilled in combat sports. As I was
training to be able to defend myself properly, I got a brown belt in Jiu-Jitsu
and some degrees in Judo and Taekwondo. Some tournaments came on my way, and I
liked these fights. I wasn’t into team sports such as football. I’ve been doing
many sports by myself. Archery, athletics, gymnastics, kick-boxing, fencing.
But why did I throw myself into these individual sports? I felt lonely from
time to time and this never really left me. This led me to excel in
combat-sports and gain approval there. I got what I wanted, but it didn’t last.
There were always higher degrees I could get, and the approval had to be
renewed.
After my 25th,
I went into the army to become an officer. But as you probably can imagine, the
problem of loneliness remained. I did like people and hanging around with them,
but somehow I felt ‘not in place’. I swung between feeling kind to very bad tempered.
This feeling of wanting to ‘change the world’ and ‘leave me alone!’ stayed
together with the loneliness.
Jesus comes out of the sleeping bag
When I was in the
army, I got a little bible. During a field-training I would read a little
with my sleeping bag over my head. It gripped me, but I couldn’t hold on to it.
The realities between what I saw outside my sleeping bag and what I could read
in my sleeping bag was just too big. Outside, I could see people running
around, getting tensed, hurrying and drinking beer when possible. Inside the sleeping
bag, I could read about Jesus healing people, and giving them “rest for their
souls” as he said it. I wanted this.
After this I went on a
holiday to South-Africa and was invited into a church. These people seemed happier
than me, with less than what I had. I needed to stay cool before they would
turn me into such a happy person. I would have a hard time trusting people,
especially these church people, but these people seemed so full of joy and
love. I honestly spoke to this God, whom I read about. I said:“God, I’ve tried
to be a Christian, but I can’t. Now either you do something or I quit trying”,
and that was it. One evening later, I had a powerful encounter with God Himself.
He said very clearly right inside my heart –almost audibly- that He loved me,
and that I’m His child. This was stunning and completely turned me around. Now
I knew 100% that God was real, and Jesus came out of the sleeping bag!
My life since Jesus
Of course I had to get
back into the army, but now something had changed. I had met Jesus, and I
remember me wanting to read the bible and talking to Him. I had received a deep
rest unlike anything or anyone could give me. I had an approval that no one
could take away anymore, and I couldn’t loose it either. God had spoken to me
very clearly and my perspective on life changed completely. Finally I had received
rest! I had a purpose that was not fading away. Over time, the loneliness had
left me too and never came back. I mean, how can I be lonely if God is always
with me and I can always talk to Him? It’s not possible, ever since I’ve talked
with Him and He with me. Sometimes through nature, sometimes through people, when
I read the bible and also when I am simply quiet or sing to God. The ways that
He talks are different, but always one thing remained the same: Jesus always kept
on talking to my heart. My life has changed drastically, from a life for myself
into a life learning to live from God’s love for me and loving others. I now
know that I can not be separated from the love of Jesus and His friendship. I
wish I could describe Him to you, but even than, I would come short. He simply
is stunning. If you desire to meet him to, than it’s really possible. Ever
since I started speaking about the reality of Jesus, I’ve seen people coming to
know him too! It changed their lives also. Do you dare talking to him? I know
he loves it and wants to give you a fresh, new life.